Confused Thoughts at 1 am

This post will have nothing to do with my university educational experiences. But it does have to do with my everyday educational experience.

Life is a complex and often difficult "thing" to describe and understand. Yet at the same time, it is simple. Since it is so simple, it is complex, for whatever reason. I understand life and people but for some reason it constantly surprises me. I know people are hypocritical (I am as well) yet when someone does something hypocritical, it upsets me. I know people are self-centered yet when I see someone act self-centered, it upsets me. I know people have the capacity to aid others and sympathize yet when i see someone do those things, I am surprised.

I am 21 and my naive beliefs have eluded me. I no longer assume everyone will do the good thing or realize what they do is wrong. Everyday I learn something new, sometimes positive and mostly negative about human nature. I see people everyday complain of their life situation, but if they took one second to think about what they are complaining about, then they might realize its not so bad.

I can't stand people who complain about something and do nothing about it. I can't stand people who complain about something because they are too wrapped up in their own world, failing to realize how bad life could really be. I can't stand people who hold grudges and can't move on. I can't stand people who put others down because they need to boost their ego.

I love a lot of people but can't stand those certain few. I know people are not perfect, I have never expected them to be. But I do expect some common sense and humility. It is as if society is devolving, into less intelligent and less compassionate, and less understanding group. I thought with all the knowledge easily available to the masses, society would learn to relate to others and become understanding. Everyday I am proven wrong yet my naive hope remains. I know there are a lot of bad people out there, but it only takes that one good person to revive my optimism.

My basic human principles which have never failed me:

1. people only help when it is convenient to them
2. everyone is a hypocrite, its just a matter of how hypocritical you are
3. people don't change unless they are introspective and willing to work on themselves
4. everyone wants to be heard, but no one wants to listen
5. working hard doesn't necessarily get you what you want. It's a combination of luck and fate.
6. those who constantly worry get it the worse
7. perfection will never be attained but striving to attain it is admirable
8. jealously produces two outcomes: productivity or self-loathing
9. those who do not interfere in the lives of others will achieve true inner peace
10. everyone has the capacity to love, its a matter of finding the right person or situation to bring it out.

There are exceptions to all my rules but for the most part, my principles stand strong. I understand this post sound cynical or negative but its quite optimistic. Everyone has the capacity to be better its a matter of how hard they are willing to try. I believe everyone is intelligent and once again it depends on how hard they are willing to work to increase or mobilize their intelligence. I believe everyone is born good but life experiences change people. I don't like excuses and I hate egotism.

I sound list a mess but my point is: people will always be messed up but as long as you have inner happiness and peace, what others do, say, and act won't matter. everyday I move closer towards inner peace...i just have a big mouth and am still pretty immature.

If people want to be douchebags or saints, i don't really care. One day I will be successful and what others do or say will not interfere with my goals. I just have to work hard, bite my tounge, and pray that one day things will be better.

It's been over 2 and a half years since my last post. A lot has changed in the life of the girl going to the new UC. First off, I don't attend UCM anymore. I moved to New York a year ago and just started Stony Brook University. I am going to a real university now....

My majors are Global history of the 20th C, Religious Studies, and a minor in either philosophy or Middle Eastern Studies. This school is a lot tougher then I anticipated. The first day was quit overwhelming. I had never seen so many students roaming around and the classes I assumed wound be small, were huge. I definitely miss being pampered at UCM with their small classrooms. I know if I succeed in this school, then I really accomplished something great. At UCM it was easy to succeed because there was not that much competition. New York is in a league of its own and everyday I am enjoying it more and more.

I am learning a language called Pashtu. In the process I am also learning to read and write farsi. I plan on taking Arabic 111 and 112 over the summer. One of my feasible goals in life is to learn at least 7 languages. So Far I have mastered English. I am close to being totally literate in Farsi. Pashtu is new so it'll take a while. When I am finished with Farsi, Pashtu, and Arabic, I will return to working on Spanish and French since I already have a foundation for both. When this is all finished, I want to begin Hindi. We'll see what happens after that.

I am looking forward to Stony Brook and what it has to offer...or what I have to offer. I ready to work hard and hopefully attain the grades I desire. I am taking RLS 366 Fem. Spirituality, HIST 214 modern Latin America, ARH 3something Islamic Art and Architecture, HIST 301 Spanish Inquisition Reading and Writing, and HIST 356 Zionism before 1948. And interesting list of classes, definitely something I would have never had at the UC.

I love challenges and this course load is definitely and challenge.
In 13 weeks I'll find out how it went: if i am truely intellgent or only intelligent when my surroundings are weak.